Day 45: Embracing the Beginning of My public Sobriety Journey

Introduction – welcome to my journey & www.1styearsober.com

This is extremely scary to do.

I tried getting sober privately and for me that was not manageable. When we make public declarations people tend to hold us accountable to those.

For me, I need accountability and I absolutely must stop drinking before I die from the effects of binge drinking, or worse, lose my will to live from the repercussions of drinking.

This might sound familiar.

I realize that something has to change.

To be accountable here, that change has to be my thoughts, behaviors and actions.

Sharing the Journey: Day 45 and Beyond

I’m going to be honest, these last 45 days have been tough.

Getting sober is not easy, isn’t meant to be easy, but it is doable.

One thing I’ve focused on for the last month and a half is simply getting to the next day. Some days were ugly, some days I did nothing, some days I cried, but I survived another day.

From here we build, we grow, and we keep going.

Setting the Stage: My Current Reality and Decision to Share

My current reality is a nightmare that I have fully created based on my actions and thoughts up to this point in my life.

2017 my best friend kills himself, 6 months later in 2018 my mom dies suddenly, and where was I? Oh, I was out drinking trying to heal the pain from my friend passing away.

2019, my marriage falls apart and I’m met with a devastating divorce that left me without a home, with no car, & barely any money.

2020, I lost all hope & to make that worse, the corona virus became a thing and I was forced into isolation.

By 2021 I had enough funds to get a crappy apartment in the poor side of ton & got my dog back from my ex. Things were slowly getting better.

2022 – 2023, the isolation, the pain from the past few years as well as a traumatic childhood led me to further isolated. I began binge drinking like never before, with my own apartment, it was wild how I could go for days without people noticing, or caring.

May 2023 I wake up in the middle of the night, can’t move, and fear major organ damage based on the severe symptoms I was facing. I make it 6 months sober.

Approx. Oct 2023, my business is failing and I relapse, it starts out mild, but by December 2023 I realize I’m out of Control again.

Approx. December 18th, I take my last drink, I realize with great certainty that this is one of my last chances.

You can read about my last binge: here.

That leads me to NOW – 02/01/2024

I have about $200 in my checking account, my rent account is at $3 dollars after paying rent on the first, and I have no job.

Currently, I have about $4000 on my credit cards, no health care & my apartment has been over run by drug addicts at all hours for the last 6 months.

My Family Says I Should Move.

Good idea I think, as I remind them that most new apartments want a few things, like you to have a job, pay stubs, etc.

I have none of those, so I stuck for the moment, and each day is a little more scary then the last. Few examples, the other day there is a person standing my driveway, staring at me, and this person was scary looking.

Before than, someone was coming out of the bushes as I took my dog outside.

It’s worse, I could site dozens of examples, but don’t want to fill this site with those stories. Some say, well just call the cops.

Not so fast, these people are “guest” to the current tenant and in this neighborhood calling the cops can get you hurt.

Did I mention, I can’t move yet.

My View From The Front Window Is A Liquor Store.

To make the present challenges more challenging, when I open the shades to my front window I am met with a grand view of a very low rent liquor store 50 ft. outside of my front door.

I didn’t specifically choose this location. When you are getting back on your feet after losing everything you tend to find yourself in low rent situations.

As I tell my sister, low rent apartments get you low rent problems.

Almost every terrible binge ended at that liquor store, it really caused a lot of damage as I never had to drive to get the last 6 drinks, they were just a few steps outside the door.

So, that is my reality, no healthcare, no job, little cash and surrounded by chaos.

This is my starting point.

The journey begins now.

As this journey goes, this blog will get better, right now I am fighting many battles, but my hope for this page is to give someone else hope going through similar circumstances.

Tomorrow on Day 46 I will take an honest look at my life & start to create the plan of where I want to end up at this time in 2025 & beyond.

Thank you for reading, please connect with me online @1stYearSober and join me tomorrow for Day 46.


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